Weekly Happiness Tip 8 - Extreme...Not Good

I bet that if I told you to do an exercise where I got you to list all of the things that you don't like about yourself (hopefully it would only be a short list); I could go through everyone’s list and find a positive in the part of you that you feel is a negative. So in reality, everyone’s positive is someone else’s negative and visa-versa. Have said that, is any behaviour or part of us inherently negative?

Let’s take an example of two parts that are at opposite ends of the same spectrum: doing and being (where being is about just remaining still and finding contentment with opening up your senses to what is around you). Is one better than the other? Nope. Should you do one more than the other? Not really. But if you are doing either one completely, at the expense of the other, then now we are starting to talk about the classic feeling of being ‘out of balance’. If I am a 100% doing person then I get lots of stuff done, but I don’t have the sense of inner peace and calm, because I am always moving. I find it hard to relax and just be in the company of great people or a beautiful sunset. I need to be doing something…anything!

On the other hand if I am a 100% being person, then I might have a great sense of spiritual calm, but I may not succeed on the physical plane too well and be constantly scratching for a dollar to get by. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, the reality is that we are actually living in the physical plane – so if we do nothing, then we will starve or become a burden on society or our friends. So the aim is to be balanced between doing and being.

Another issue that many people that I work with face, is an imbalance between receiving and giving. Let’s look at the person that is always giving to others. They may come across as very generous and a kind-hearted person. But if you are always giving out and never receiving, then you will very soon run out of energy. Your tank will eventually hit empty. Plus if you are always giving, then you do not give the other person a chance to have the joy of giving – so always giving can actually be quite selfish. So again, you need a balance of giving and receiving. And receiving might also be as simple as receiving compliments, or help or advice. If you cannot receive, your growth will be affected and your energy levels will definitely fluctuate.

Then there is structure and flow. If you are too structured you are probably pretty inflexible and uptight and have challenges facing the constant changes that are a natural part of life. Plus you probably have a few body pains, sore joints and physical inflexibility. But on the other hand if you are too much in the flow, then you may never actually get organised well enough to get anything done, or on time, or to a suitable standard.

So the thing is to recognise if any part of you is too extreme. Know that extremes (in anything) cause disharmony within your life. Totally distrusting and all your relationships will be hell. Totally trusting and you are likely to be taken advantage of often. Totally inflexible and life will be a struggle. Totally flexible and you will probably never be able to make decisions (and probably frustrate the heck out of your partner!) Totally focused on the negatives and life will lose its joy. Not considering the negative consequences and you may put your life and others in unnecessary danger.

There is no bad quality or part. There are just extremes. And any extreme will have you out of balance. So through awareness, come to understand your ‘negative’ parts a little better. Maybe they are trying to tell you something. Maybe you don’t have to be extreme. Maybe there are a few people (amongst the 6 billion) that you can trust. And maybe if you are less inflexible your world won’t fall down around you. And maybe there are positive things to be learnt from that last relationship. Just maybe…

Non-extreme = keeping it real!

Cheers,
Carl

    

Carl Massy is one of Bali's leading Fitness & Life Coaches. He conducts his morning "Boot Camp" training sessions on the beach at Blue Ocean and hosts Bali Element's holistic health adventure retreats several times a year. In his spare time Carl plays a leading role in the Life, Love & Health project, which is committed to community building in Timor-Leste.

Click Here to view Carl's Profile
And visit his sites: exercisinghappiness.com and balielements.com